Big East Tour - Day 1

So, I finally got to get out of Toronto on a Moose Tour for 7 days that is taking me to Montreal, Quebec, Mont Treblant and Ottawa!! Very exciting, so I figured I could use this to re-start my failing blogging career...

An early morning departure from a rainy Toronto led to a very quiet opening leg of the journey. A few tentative introductions to the people sitting closest to you and that was it...sleepy time. I chose to ride shotgun, primarily to keep our driver company, mainly for the extra leg room ;)

Our first real stop was The Big Apple where some much needed sustenance was procured in what was essentially a pie factory. The fresh apple turnover was divine but I can imagine the surroundings being much more appealing when it's not raining; there was a train track and some ping pong tables that looked fun! Instead, I made do with kissing a scarecrow.

Next stop was the Thousand Islands cruise - another activity that would have been nicer on a sunny day, or even later in winter when the St. Lawrence River freezes over completely. Although we wouldn't have been able to take the cruise then... did get to see the smallest international bridge in the world though, bridged between 2 islands, one of which is in Canadian waters, the other is in American waters. We learned a lot about George Boldt, lovely fella that built a castle on Heart Island for his wife, who died before it was finished. Poor George never set foot on Heart Island again. Cheapest real estate on the Thousand Islands runs at $250,000. Bargain.

Coming into Montreal didn't feel that different from Toronto apart from the extra church and cathedral steeples and a distinct lack of a space penis. Going into the hostel felt a little strange; I have not stayed at another hostel since I started working in one. It does give me a certain extra level of respect but it also makes me criticise more... The rooms were clean; we had a bathroom inside which was a bonus. The common area in the basement was pretty decent with a bar and pool table and a really nice kitchen. I literally just threw my things down and headed off to see my friend Rob for the last time before I go home. Cue the tears. As he's lived here for a while, I asked him to recommend a bar/street to find one so we headed up to Crescent Street where I pick... Hurleys Irish Bar. Yeah, yeah, I know. I made the mistake of finding out that they charge $4.50 for a Jameson, although that did lead me to one of the best free shot getting lines I've ever used.

Me: So, I've heard 2 rumours today and I REALLY hope that they're both true.
Andrew (bartender): Oh yeah? And what might they be?
Me: Well, the first one is that you're going to give me and my 2 friends here shots. The second one is about your penis (followed by a sleazy wink)
He laughs and walks away, I laugh and go to walk away. Next of all, he comes back with 3 shots of Jameson and plonks them on the bar. He winks at me and says 'I guess both rumours are true', smiles and walks away.

Moral of the Story - don't take shots from a cute barman, who is flirting back with you, and then get too drunk to do anything about it.

Decisions, Decisions...

I'm just about to round off 20 months here in Canada. Sweet mother of the devine, it has flown by. With so little time left, I've been thinking hard about what to do next and have had many suggestions thrown at me. My options include:

1. Looking into visa options to stay here longer. It is possible, and I know it would keep the Plummers happy but I get a feeling I might be done with Canada (possibly just Toronto). It is too cold in winter, too warm in summer, milk comes in bags, sugar comes in cartons, motorists can turn right on a red light, you can only buy alcohol in government run shops, too many hipsters, too expensive. Not to say I have not enjoyed my time here, that would be crazy as I have loved just about every second of it but I think it's time to move on.
2. Australia/New Zealand. Definitely on the list but I'm putting myself under enough pressure as it is to get the money to travel more in Canada before I leave, if I want to save money to start myself a new life down under, I would need to work every hour of the day right up until the day I leave. Oz and Nz aren't going anywhere.
3. Going home... Well, the decision has pretty much already been made. Despite my best intentions and best laid plans, I was not able to save enough money to do what I want. Still, the more I think about it, the more I think I'm ready to go home. Being here in Toronto has been an emotional rollercoaster in itself, although sometimes I feel like it was all caused by weather related mood swings. I've been home twice since coming away and had no idea I would miss it as much as I have.

The long and short of it is, I'm going home. Gonna work my ass off for the next few months and enjoy the rest of my time here, travel out west and fly back from Vancouver in December. Anybody going to be travelling between Toronto and Vancouver in November, let me know. Those of you still in Ireland, see you all for Christmas - it's gonna be a good one!

Moral of the Story - in the immortal words of my good friend Dorothy 'There's no place like home'. I don't have red shoes to click though. Can't afford proper shoes in Toronto ;)

New Year, New Me?

If by 'New Me', you mean someone who actually updates their blog with any sort of regularity....then, yes. Hopefully this does indeed signal a new me. 

Urban Dictionary defines a new year's resolution as 'the things you promise yourself you will do over the year but quit after the first 2 weeks. I couldn't agree more. I am not exactly the type of person who makes New Year's resolutions and here are my other reasons why:

1. January is one of the most depressing months on the calendar. Christmas is over, you've spent too much money, you've become sick of the family and friends that you struggled to spend time with over the holiday season because you're just too busy the rest of the year. Why compound all that misery with resolutions that involve you giving up something you enjoy or limiting the free time you already have?
2. People generally make unrealistic resolutions that are not unattainable exactly but are usually somewhat out of reach. 'I'm never drinking/smoking/eating rubbish/stealing traffic cones/molesting sheep again'. Or something to that effect. It should be 'I'll only have 3 drinks a day instead of 7', 'I'll only steal 4 traffic cones a month' or 'I'll only molest the sheep with really good personalities'. High expectations breed failure so aim low. 
3. If you're not trying to give something up, you're trying to learn something new or do something better than you did before. Again, the 1st of January seems like a good time to start but making resolutions like being more charitable/helping the homeless/learn Italian pick up some new hottie at work/become a pole dancing instructor - these should be things that you do all year round. 

If I were to make resolutions, I wouldn't call them 'resolutions'; I'd call them my new year intentions. Not to be monitored but just attempted, with no shame if I fail.

• Try to be a bit nicer to people. I stress the word 'bit'. Every job I've had over the last few years has led me to have a certain level of disdain for the general public that I will try to curb where possible. I need to realise that most of our customers do not wake up in the morning with the sole intention of ruining my day. Sometimes it creeps into my private life too, although I seem to get away with it with people who know me but I'm bound to offend one of them someday. Not while Andy Shaw's around obviously....
• Travel more. Not giving myself a number of kilometres or countries to visit, just simply to travel more. This would even include getting a TTC day pass and taking all the streetcar lines from one end right to the other. This might even include trying out some other bars that aren't the Departure Lounge but let's not get too carried away here. 
• Read more. I've become more addicted to watching TV shows that I've already seen while curled up on my bed in the hostel but think it would be a good idea to expand my (admittedly, already impressive) language skills and not just improving my watercooler conversation topics. Except Game of Thrones. I am eagerly awaiting series 3, just like everyone else and will repeat the first 2 series again and again. Oh, I could read those books actually, couldn't I? 2 birds with 1 stone, I like that. 

Still, all of these may go the way of most new year's resolutions, or they can remain intentions. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Let's hope it's a fun road to travel on!

Moral of the Story - I quite like the old me, thanks very much. A few minor adjustments wouldn't go astray perhaps but nobody's perfect!

It's Been A While.....

The Departure Lounge 

Obviously, I've been spending far too much time enjoying myself and not nearly enough time considering how much people have been missing my updates and my extremely talented style of writing. I will do my best to go back to regularly posting but I'll use this one as a bit of a round up of the last 2 months of my time here.

• I passed my official 6 month mark of working in the hostel by....TA DA!...moving in. Circumstances (personal and financial) led me to bite the bullet and give up my privacy and space to move into the staff room. I now share my living quarters with 140 other people, live a whole 40 seconds away from where I work and have a bar in my back garden. Could be worse ;)



Reunited after 6 years!

• I had a visit from an old friend who I first met over 6 years ago in South Africa. It was the first time that me Mick and Viv had been together since we met in Cape Town so it was quite an emotional reunion. It was one of those things where you wonder if it would be awkward after so much time away from each other but lo and behold, it was like we'd seen each other weeks previous rather than years. Spent a lovely couple of days together, along with Mick's partner Conall. Far too short a time together. Looking forward to getting some more visitors before the end of the year!!
• I finally managed to do something touristy (apart from Steamwhistle) and visit the Art Gallery of Ontario. It was nice and all but I'm really not a gallery type of person. It's just a load of paintings at the end of the day and most of them weren't even that nice. There was a bathroom sink stuck on the wall at one point, that was vaguely interesting. You were supposed to focus on the negative space around the sink. Random.
• I took up (and subsequently quit) a second job at a Call Centre. Not being one of those really annoying losers who calls at dinner time asking if you would like to switch phone/internet provider or if you want to answer a 30 minute survey on your consumer behaviour habits. No, I participated in what is known as 'business to business guided voicemail messaging'. Sounds way more complicated than it is. I would turn up for 4 hours, dial a load of numbers, usually navigate some sort of automated receptionist to press play and leave a voicemail in the contact's mailbox. Boom. Some new type of direct marketing, we'll see how well it does. 
• I stage managed a concert for the Irish Choral Society of Canada, it was my second ever paying gig as a stage manager - I wasn't even expecting that! It was a beautiful concert based on an Irish Immigrants tale of coming to Canada and the adjustments that need to be made, obstacles to overcome, all told through a variety of musical pieces performed by the choir interspersed with recitations by the 'immigrant'. It was lovely. They even let me do the light design which was pretty special.

Just to briefly mention some other bits and pieces that will require their own posts (hopefully not too far in the future) - going to see 'Bring It On' the Musical; Medieval Times; Wine Tasting Olympics at the Plummer Chalet, the start of Threesome Thursdays (not what you think!) the end of Karaoke Fridays. So much to tell, so little time.....

Moral of the Story - don't leave it too long between blog updates. Your head will be MELTED with all the stuff you're trying to remember. Then again, if I wasn't out doing all these things, there would be nothing for me to post about now would there?

Hey, how you doin'?

Once again, I'm using Twitter for my inspiration for a blog post, purely because this one was definitely too funny for me to leave alone. Now, personally, I don't think I've ever been picked up with some cheesy chat up line. If I have been, then it obviously wasn't exciting enough for me to remember. There were some super creepy ones online the other day; if anyone tried these on me, I don't think they'd work but I'd definitely remember them!

• I put the STD in 'stud', now all I need is U...
• Are both your parents retarded? Because you're looking pretty special...
• I've tried every other girl in here so it looks like it's your lucky day...
• I heard you play hard to get. I play hard to get rid of...
• Excuse me, do you give head to strangers? No? OK, let me introduce myself...
• My personal favourite.... "Is your Dad in jail?"; "No, why?"; "Because if I was your Dad, I'd be in jail..."

I honestly have no idea where people come up with this stuff. Then today, I came across this trend in Dublin #HarryPotterchatuplines. Now anyone who knows me, knows what a Harry Potter fanatic I am so this obviously caught my eye. Please find a few the best ones below (NOTE: if you have never read or seen Harry Potter then will either just not get these or will not find them funny. You should stop reading now and just go to another one of my blog posts, they're pretty amusing ;)

• One night with me and they'll be calling you Moaning Myrtle
• Are you a Horcrux? Because I would definitely destroy you
• You're definitely not a Muggle because I'm under your spell
• Is that Nagini in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
• Do you play Quidditch? Because you look like a Keeper
• Are you sure you're not a Dementor? Because you're taking my breath away
• Your smile is like 'Expelliarmus'; simple but disarming
• I've lost my Invisibility Cloak but do you think I could still visit your restricted section tonight?
• I don't need a key to your heart, I'll Alohomora that shit
• I'd like to get my basilisk into your Chamber of Secrets

Moral of the Story - if you're going to use a chat up line, make it a memorable one! Mmmmm, not sure if I'll be able to read Harry Potter books the same way again after this....

There's no place like home....

Don't worry, this isn't going to be another whining post about how much I miss the homeland! As most of you will know, the house that I grew up in my whole life in Ballinteer, Dublin 16, has been up for sale for nearly 2 years now. It is an awful time to try to sell a property in Ireland but it was time for us to downsize. As it had been taking so long, when I left in October, I didn't really expect that the house would be sold before I got back in July.

Lo and behold, on Skype last week with the family and the news was broken to me that the house has been sold and they are due to move out by the 31st of May. They have not yet found a new place but sent me on some of the links to properties that they are looking at. I couldn't help but think 'they look SHITE compared to our house'. In all fairness, I knew it was coming but I don't mind admitting that I shed a tear or 2. I didn't take full advantage of my last few days in that house to say goodbye to it properly and now when I get back to Dublin, there'll be some other family living there. Eewww.

In the spirit of nostalgia, here are a few of the more memorable moments/things from my 26 years living in 90 Ludford Drive;

• All those summer days in the paddling pool in the back garden (I know, summer days in Ireland, what??)
• The day Mary left a stew for us, all my dad had to do was switch on the oven.....we went to the park, came back, he'd never switched it on. 3 hungry children and a man incapable of cooking, good times. 
• The bathroom in the garage that EVERYONE used to use. 
• The day I got locked in the utility room and kicked a hole in the bottom of the door to yell through to the kitchen to get Mary to let me in. 
• When me and Jenny broke a coffee table in the sitting room by imitating dance routines from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. 
• The day the extension was finished and all us kids finally got our own rooms. 
• When we got the majority of the garage converted so that we would have a special room to play poker in and then managing to turn the whole downstairs pretty much into a casino every now and again.
• The shed that used to be THE hang out spot during our teenage years.
• Let's not forget the parties, planned and unplanned, from when we were kids playing musical chairs and giving out sweet bags to the guests; to the present, where you'll usually get breakfast cooked by Mary and an unbelievable hangover to take away with you. All the 21st birthdays, Christmas & Stephens Day sessions; not to mention the random nights that people would come back after a night out.

Strangely enough, this Skype conversation and all these memory lane trips occurred within a few days of me also making a move here in Canada. Having spent the last 4 months not even really seeing my housemate Greg, I decided it was time to up sticks and leave him, move somewhere a bit closer to work and with people that I am already good friends with. It's only been a week but I think it seems to be working out OK so far.....watch this space ;)

Moral of the Story - moving onwards and upwards, making big changes; it's what life is all about. Make sure to remember the good times and look forward to the times ahead.

The Dinosaur Prank

Henry enjoying the Falls

Most of you will know my dear friend, Henry Brontasaurus, who has been on many adventures with me. We met in London, went bowling in Bray, had many party nights out in Fitzgeralds and even rubbed shoulders with some famous people at the Radio Nova 1st Birthday Party. It was never a question as to whether or not he would accompany me to Canada. He loved New York; tried his first twinkie, went to Central Park, Times Square, etc. Been to Burlington and Niagara Falls so far in Canada and am looking forward to showing him more of the sights over the next year or two.

I had waited a little while before I introduced him to everyone at the hostel. After all, I was trying to make a good impression on these people and telling anyone about the toy dinosaur that you bring everywhere with you and consider part of your family is a little strange. Although, strangely enough, once most people have met me, they don't find the story that weird at all. But I digress.....

Me, Henry & the Irish Rebels

So, a couple of weeks ago, I brought him down. There was a band called the Irish Rebels playing at the hostel and I figured this would be a perfect time to introduce him. It was all going swimmingly. Everyone was getting in photos with him (including the band!) and we were having a great time. The next morning, I decided that perhaps it would be good for Henry to live at the hostel for a while, get a bit of independence and what not. I placed him on top of the speaker in reception so he could keep an eye on everything that was going on and off I went. I was going for dinner at Gillian's that night and knew that she would like to see him so dropped back to the hostel to pick him up. I couldn't see him on top of the speaker and panicked immediately. The others that were working were taking a look around for him but he was nowhere to be found. I rang Aine, who had been working when I left him there and she said she hadn't noticed whether or not he was still there when she left. I was distraught and do not mind admitting that there was a tear in my eye. Poor Tom, he had to listen to me rant and rave all the way to Gillian's, where I then spent the start of the evening bitching about where my dinosaur might be.

Poor Henry...

Suddenly, I got a friend request on Facebook from a character named Rambo Hunter. The accompanying message stated that 'We have Henry. If you ever want to see your dinosaur again, you better meet all of our demands'  There were also some very distressing photos; Henry in a frying pan, Henry with a butcher's knife to his throat, Henry hanging from his own bow from a light fixture and, my own personal favourite, Henry tied to a chair with a note asking for my help. The demands were as follows; a) $20, half in dollar coins, half in quarters; b) one can of coke; c) bar of Galaxy chocolate; d) bag of Tayto crisps. Now, these dastardly creatures had very cleverly set the deadline before payday as they obviously knew how I would struggle to scrape the necessary demands together. They did not count on the resourcefulness of one James Stafford, as well as my own ability to take things to a new extreme. Hence, the foundation of the Dinosaur Abduction Awareness Organisation and the set up of a silent auction in order to raise the funds necessary, including items such as dinner cooked by Gillian, an arm wrestle with Sally, a voodoo doll made of the hair shaved from Tom's head, among other items. I even managed to get the plight discussed on the radio in Dublin by my dear stalkee Marty Miller on Radio Nova.

Now I wish I could tell you that there was (as was planned by me) a SWAT team assault on the main suspects house in the middle of the night but in the end I didn't deem it appropriate. I was depending on the good nature of the kidnappers that they would not keep me in suspense for too long. What I had not predicted was the power of a nagging girlfriend. Without much evidence (apart from the pure gut instinct that I had), I accused the Scouse trouble maker, Joe Newsham. Despite his protestations, nothing could sway me from my conviction. 2 minutes after the deadline, I sent the following threatening message to Áine 'Look, is Joe gonna give Henry back to me or what?'. Her reply; 'Yes, the fool. He's gonna drop it into the hostel tomorrow before he heads off to New York'.

Moral of the Story - don't leave your dinosaur unprotected around a criminally minded Scouse. And don't worry, when the film rights are purchased, I will ensure to change the ending to something more exciting.