New Year, New Me?

If by 'New Me', you mean someone who actually updates their blog with any sort of regularity....then, yes. Hopefully this does indeed signal a new me. 

Urban Dictionary defines a new year's resolution as 'the things you promise yourself you will do over the year but quit after the first 2 weeks. I couldn't agree more. I am not exactly the type of person who makes New Year's resolutions and here are my other reasons why:

1. January is one of the most depressing months on the calendar. Christmas is over, you've spent too much money, you've become sick of the family and friends that you struggled to spend time with over the holiday season because you're just too busy the rest of the year. Why compound all that misery with resolutions that involve you giving up something you enjoy or limiting the free time you already have?
2. People generally make unrealistic resolutions that are not unattainable exactly but are usually somewhat out of reach. 'I'm never drinking/smoking/eating rubbish/stealing traffic cones/molesting sheep again'. Or something to that effect. It should be 'I'll only have 3 drinks a day instead of 7', 'I'll only steal 4 traffic cones a month' or 'I'll only molest the sheep with really good personalities'. High expectations breed failure so aim low. 
3. If you're not trying to give something up, you're trying to learn something new or do something better than you did before. Again, the 1st of January seems like a good time to start but making resolutions like being more charitable/helping the homeless/learn Italian pick up some new hottie at work/become a pole dancing instructor - these should be things that you do all year round. 

If I were to make resolutions, I wouldn't call them 'resolutions'; I'd call them my new year intentions. Not to be monitored but just attempted, with no shame if I fail.

• Try to be a bit nicer to people. I stress the word 'bit'. Every job I've had over the last few years has led me to have a certain level of disdain for the general public that I will try to curb where possible. I need to realise that most of our customers do not wake up in the morning with the sole intention of ruining my day. Sometimes it creeps into my private life too, although I seem to get away with it with people who know me but I'm bound to offend one of them someday. Not while Andy Shaw's around obviously....
• Travel more. Not giving myself a number of kilometres or countries to visit, just simply to travel more. This would even include getting a TTC day pass and taking all the streetcar lines from one end right to the other. This might even include trying out some other bars that aren't the Departure Lounge but let's not get too carried away here. 
• Read more. I've become more addicted to watching TV shows that I've already seen while curled up on my bed in the hostel but think it would be a good idea to expand my (admittedly, already impressive) language skills and not just improving my watercooler conversation topics. Except Game of Thrones. I am eagerly awaiting series 3, just like everyone else and will repeat the first 2 series again and again. Oh, I could read those books actually, couldn't I? 2 birds with 1 stone, I like that. 

Still, all of these may go the way of most new year's resolutions, or they can remain intentions. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Let's hope it's a fun road to travel on!

Moral of the Story - I quite like the old me, thanks very much. A few minor adjustments wouldn't go astray perhaps but nobody's perfect!

It's Been A While.....

The Departure Lounge 

Obviously, I've been spending far too much time enjoying myself and not nearly enough time considering how much people have been missing my updates and my extremely talented style of writing. I will do my best to go back to regularly posting but I'll use this one as a bit of a round up of the last 2 months of my time here.

• I passed my official 6 month mark of working in the hostel by....TA DA!...moving in. Circumstances (personal and financial) led me to bite the bullet and give up my privacy and space to move into the staff room. I now share my living quarters with 140 other people, live a whole 40 seconds away from where I work and have a bar in my back garden. Could be worse ;)



Reunited after 6 years!

• I had a visit from an old friend who I first met over 6 years ago in South Africa. It was the first time that me Mick and Viv had been together since we met in Cape Town so it was quite an emotional reunion. It was one of those things where you wonder if it would be awkward after so much time away from each other but lo and behold, it was like we'd seen each other weeks previous rather than years. Spent a lovely couple of days together, along with Mick's partner Conall. Far too short a time together. Looking forward to getting some more visitors before the end of the year!!
• I finally managed to do something touristy (apart from Steamwhistle) and visit the Art Gallery of Ontario. It was nice and all but I'm really not a gallery type of person. It's just a load of paintings at the end of the day and most of them weren't even that nice. There was a bathroom sink stuck on the wall at one point, that was vaguely interesting. You were supposed to focus on the negative space around the sink. Random.
• I took up (and subsequently quit) a second job at a Call Centre. Not being one of those really annoying losers who calls at dinner time asking if you would like to switch phone/internet provider or if you want to answer a 30 minute survey on your consumer behaviour habits. No, I participated in what is known as 'business to business guided voicemail messaging'. Sounds way more complicated than it is. I would turn up for 4 hours, dial a load of numbers, usually navigate some sort of automated receptionist to press play and leave a voicemail in the contact's mailbox. Boom. Some new type of direct marketing, we'll see how well it does. 
• I stage managed a concert for the Irish Choral Society of Canada, it was my second ever paying gig as a stage manager - I wasn't even expecting that! It was a beautiful concert based on an Irish Immigrants tale of coming to Canada and the adjustments that need to be made, obstacles to overcome, all told through a variety of musical pieces performed by the choir interspersed with recitations by the 'immigrant'. It was lovely. They even let me do the light design which was pretty special.

Just to briefly mention some other bits and pieces that will require their own posts (hopefully not too far in the future) - going to see 'Bring It On' the Musical; Medieval Times; Wine Tasting Olympics at the Plummer Chalet, the start of Threesome Thursdays (not what you think!) the end of Karaoke Fridays. So much to tell, so little time.....

Moral of the Story - don't leave it too long between blog updates. Your head will be MELTED with all the stuff you're trying to remember. Then again, if I wasn't out doing all these things, there would be nothing for me to post about now would there?

Hey, how you doin'?

Once again, I'm using Twitter for my inspiration for a blog post, purely because this one was definitely too funny for me to leave alone. Now, personally, I don't think I've ever been picked up with some cheesy chat up line. If I have been, then it obviously wasn't exciting enough for me to remember. There were some super creepy ones online the other day; if anyone tried these on me, I don't think they'd work but I'd definitely remember them!

• I put the STD in 'stud', now all I need is U...
• Are both your parents retarded? Because you're looking pretty special...
• I've tried every other girl in here so it looks like it's your lucky day...
• I heard you play hard to get. I play hard to get rid of...
• Excuse me, do you give head to strangers? No? OK, let me introduce myself...
• My personal favourite.... "Is your Dad in jail?"; "No, why?"; "Because if I was your Dad, I'd be in jail..."

I honestly have no idea where people come up with this stuff. Then today, I came across this trend in Dublin #HarryPotterchatuplines. Now anyone who knows me, knows what a Harry Potter fanatic I am so this obviously caught my eye. Please find a few the best ones below (NOTE: if you have never read or seen Harry Potter then will either just not get these or will not find them funny. You should stop reading now and just go to another one of my blog posts, they're pretty amusing ;)

• One night with me and they'll be calling you Moaning Myrtle
• Are you a Horcrux? Because I would definitely destroy you
• You're definitely not a Muggle because I'm under your spell
• Is that Nagini in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
• Do you play Quidditch? Because you look like a Keeper
• Are you sure you're not a Dementor? Because you're taking my breath away
• Your smile is like 'Expelliarmus'; simple but disarming
• I've lost my Invisibility Cloak but do you think I could still visit your restricted section tonight?
• I don't need a key to your heart, I'll Alohomora that shit
• I'd like to get my basilisk into your Chamber of Secrets

Moral of the Story - if you're going to use a chat up line, make it a memorable one! Mmmmm, not sure if I'll be able to read Harry Potter books the same way again after this....

There's no place like home....

Don't worry, this isn't going to be another whining post about how much I miss the homeland! As most of you will know, the house that I grew up in my whole life in Ballinteer, Dublin 16, has been up for sale for nearly 2 years now. It is an awful time to try to sell a property in Ireland but it was time for us to downsize. As it had been taking so long, when I left in October, I didn't really expect that the house would be sold before I got back in July.

Lo and behold, on Skype last week with the family and the news was broken to me that the house has been sold and they are due to move out by the 31st of May. They have not yet found a new place but sent me on some of the links to properties that they are looking at. I couldn't help but think 'they look SHITE compared to our house'. In all fairness, I knew it was coming but I don't mind admitting that I shed a tear or 2. I didn't take full advantage of my last few days in that house to say goodbye to it properly and now when I get back to Dublin, there'll be some other family living there. Eewww.

In the spirit of nostalgia, here are a few of the more memorable moments/things from my 26 years living in 90 Ludford Drive;

• All those summer days in the paddling pool in the back garden (I know, summer days in Ireland, what??)
• The day Mary left a stew for us, all my dad had to do was switch on the oven.....we went to the park, came back, he'd never switched it on. 3 hungry children and a man incapable of cooking, good times. 
• The bathroom in the garage that EVERYONE used to use. 
• The day I got locked in the utility room and kicked a hole in the bottom of the door to yell through to the kitchen to get Mary to let me in. 
• When me and Jenny broke a coffee table in the sitting room by imitating dance routines from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. 
• The day the extension was finished and all us kids finally got our own rooms. 
• When we got the majority of the garage converted so that we would have a special room to play poker in and then managing to turn the whole downstairs pretty much into a casino every now and again.
• The shed that used to be THE hang out spot during our teenage years.
• Let's not forget the parties, planned and unplanned, from when we were kids playing musical chairs and giving out sweet bags to the guests; to the present, where you'll usually get breakfast cooked by Mary and an unbelievable hangover to take away with you. All the 21st birthdays, Christmas & Stephens Day sessions; not to mention the random nights that people would come back after a night out.

Strangely enough, this Skype conversation and all these memory lane trips occurred within a few days of me also making a move here in Canada. Having spent the last 4 months not even really seeing my housemate Greg, I decided it was time to up sticks and leave him, move somewhere a bit closer to work and with people that I am already good friends with. It's only been a week but I think it seems to be working out OK so far.....watch this space ;)

Moral of the Story - moving onwards and upwards, making big changes; it's what life is all about. Make sure to remember the good times and look forward to the times ahead.

The Dinosaur Prank

Henry enjoying the Falls

Most of you will know my dear friend, Henry Brontasaurus, who has been on many adventures with me. We met in London, went bowling in Bray, had many party nights out in Fitzgeralds and even rubbed shoulders with some famous people at the Radio Nova 1st Birthday Party. It was never a question as to whether or not he would accompany me to Canada. He loved New York; tried his first twinkie, went to Central Park, Times Square, etc. Been to Burlington and Niagara Falls so far in Canada and am looking forward to showing him more of the sights over the next year or two.

I had waited a little while before I introduced him to everyone at the hostel. After all, I was trying to make a good impression on these people and telling anyone about the toy dinosaur that you bring everywhere with you and consider part of your family is a little strange. Although, strangely enough, once most people have met me, they don't find the story that weird at all. But I digress.....

Me, Henry & the Irish Rebels

So, a couple of weeks ago, I brought him down. There was a band called the Irish Rebels playing at the hostel and I figured this would be a perfect time to introduce him. It was all going swimmingly. Everyone was getting in photos with him (including the band!) and we were having a great time. The next morning, I decided that perhaps it would be good for Henry to live at the hostel for a while, get a bit of independence and what not. I placed him on top of the speaker in reception so he could keep an eye on everything that was going on and off I went. I was going for dinner at Gillian's that night and knew that she would like to see him so dropped back to the hostel to pick him up. I couldn't see him on top of the speaker and panicked immediately. The others that were working were taking a look around for him but he was nowhere to be found. I rang Aine, who had been working when I left him there and she said she hadn't noticed whether or not he was still there when she left. I was distraught and do not mind admitting that there was a tear in my eye. Poor Tom, he had to listen to me rant and rave all the way to Gillian's, where I then spent the start of the evening bitching about where my dinosaur might be.

Poor Henry...

Suddenly, I got a friend request on Facebook from a character named Rambo Hunter. The accompanying message stated that 'We have Henry. If you ever want to see your dinosaur again, you better meet all of our demands'  There were also some very distressing photos; Henry in a frying pan, Henry with a butcher's knife to his throat, Henry hanging from his own bow from a light fixture and, my own personal favourite, Henry tied to a chair with a note asking for my help. The demands were as follows; a) $20, half in dollar coins, half in quarters; b) one can of coke; c) bar of Galaxy chocolate; d) bag of Tayto crisps. Now, these dastardly creatures had very cleverly set the deadline before payday as they obviously knew how I would struggle to scrape the necessary demands together. They did not count on the resourcefulness of one James Stafford, as well as my own ability to take things to a new extreme. Hence, the foundation of the Dinosaur Abduction Awareness Organisation and the set up of a silent auction in order to raise the funds necessary, including items such as dinner cooked by Gillian, an arm wrestle with Sally, a voodoo doll made of the hair shaved from Tom's head, among other items. I even managed to get the plight discussed on the radio in Dublin by my dear stalkee Marty Miller on Radio Nova.

Now I wish I could tell you that there was (as was planned by me) a SWAT team assault on the main suspects house in the middle of the night but in the end I didn't deem it appropriate. I was depending on the good nature of the kidnappers that they would not keep me in suspense for too long. What I had not predicted was the power of a nagging girlfriend. Without much evidence (apart from the pure gut instinct that I had), I accused the Scouse trouble maker, Joe Newsham. Despite his protestations, nothing could sway me from my conviction. 2 minutes after the deadline, I sent the following threatening message to Áine 'Look, is Joe gonna give Henry back to me or what?'. Her reply; 'Yes, the fool. He's gonna drop it into the hostel tomorrow before he heads off to New York'.

Moral of the Story - don't leave your dinosaur unprotected around a criminally minded Scouse. And don't worry, when the film rights are purchased, I will ensure to change the ending to something more exciting.

Life's Too Short To Sleep Alone

What greets you as you check in......

That is the slogan of Global Village Backpackers, stated very plainly on the information board at reception. What a motto to live and work by! It definitely describes the hostel perfectly ;). Now, you could go down the dirty route (as I know most of you will, you filthy minded creatures! As Ian pointed out 'if my mind didn't live in the gutter, it would be homeless') and assume that we are encouraging promiscuous activity but we certainly don't. Not that we are judgemental if there are some innocent hook ups but before you embark on any wild passionate love affairs in a hostel, make sure to read the following guide....

Anyway, I had been applying for lots of different types of positions, as per my previous blog post on Job Hunting in Canada, and when I applied for the Front Desk Agent position here, it was on a bit of a whim, with a lot of encouragement from Gillian. Once I had posted on Facebook where I was going to be working, I got a wonderful reaction from people telling me how perfect they thought the job would be for me. And how right they were. I work with a great bunch of people and get to meet new people all the time, which can be both a good and a bad thing! There is also a bar on site, the wonderful Departure Lounge, which will undoubtedly finish the job that Fitzgeralds started in terms of my liver failure.

I would take you through a typical day but there is no such thing as a typical day at GVB. I think the best way to express what it's like working in the hostel is to describe a few of the more entertaining guests (by entertaining, I mean mental obviously), my colleagues and a few of the stand-out moments that have occurred in my 2 and a half months here so far......

• In terms of the guests.....generally, they're pretty great. A few of the more memorable ones include the woman who carried a pile of washing out the door and across the street because she saw a limo pull up at the traffic lights and assumed 'there must be someone interesting in there'; knocked on the car window to talk to the driver and got annoyed when it pulled away. There was the man who passed out in the toilets and then tried to accuse us of stealing money from him.....while he was locked in the toilet cubicle. The staff are talented but we're not ninjas. The man who asked one too many times about why the internet connection wasn't working......and was killed (not really, he was moved to another, more internet receptive room). Let's not forget creepy condo guy.He never actually stayed here, he just frequents the bar and tried to lure people to his condo for 'parties'.
• Where do I start with my colleagues? Great bunch of people altogether. We've got 5 Irish, 3 Germans, 3 Australians, 1 English and 1 Cornish. There's a couple of Canadians as well, so we're not prejudiced! Quite a mix but we manage to get along pretty well. Karaoke on Friday nights can be quite a spectacle when we all get involved. Many of these colleagues feature in my Top 5 GVB moments so far.....

1. The night we shaved Tom's head - so Tom decided that he wanted to try having his head shaved as he'd never done it before and always wondered what it would look like. I was on shift til 11 and had asked that they wait until I was finished before they did it so that I could watch. They went one better and got Shaun to agree to let them do it in the bar. We all took turns taking snips at his floppy English locks until Andy went hell for leather with the razor.....
2. Karaoke Friday Nights - it's really hard to pick just one stand out moment from karaoke, there have been so many epic performances. Tom and Andy with their Jason Beaver tributes; Gillian, Kate and Nic doing Journey proud,; Craig doing Mustang Sally after bitching that he wouldn't sing EVER. I think the winner has to be both renditions of Fairytale of New York that we kicked out over Christmas.
3. New Year's Eve - not generally the biggest fan of New Years as traditionally, it's a massive let down. I was even more apprehensive being away from home but that didn't matter. Everyone who was there was in the same boat pretty much, the music was great and I drank way too much. And there was no Auld Lang Syne. Perfect.
4. The night I threw the pint over Alan - this was possibly the great turning point in my time here. We'd been at our staff party and everyone was very merry with a lot of fizzy drinks having been taken on board. After the session in the party room at Sally & Shaun's condo, we all headed over to the hostel bar for more drinks (as if we needed them). A few of us were out on the patio and Alan decided it might be funny if he leaned over and poured some beer down my top. Through my shock, I reacted on instinct......and launched my entire pint over his head. Dear reader, I cannot express how tense those few seconds immediately following that were. As soon as the beer was leaving the glass, my first thought was 'bollox. I've taken this way too far'. There was pure silence from everyone else (probably some tumbleweed blowing) as we all waited for his reaction. He raised his head, beer dripping from his glasses, looked at me....and started laughing. The he high-fived me, gave me a hug and said that it was well deserved. Boom.
5. The kidnapping saga - this incident is very recent and will require an entire blog post all of it's own but let's just say that my dearest friend Henry Brontasaurus was kidnapped by a dreadful Scouse Gangster and it was touch and go as to whether I would ever see him again. An elaborate Facebook creation, a ransom note and a Dinosaur Abduction Awareness Organisation hosting a Silent Auction later and it has all been resolved.

Me outside GVB (this was actually before I started working)

Moral of the Story - if you want to take a year out and are lucky enough not to be saddled with a mortgage/kids/other grown up responsibilities; work in a hostel. You may not make a lot of money, but you'll have some craic. And sure, isn't that what it's all about at the end of the day? ;) 

Irish Facts Without Wikipedia

I'm not generally a major Twitter fan. There does be some interesting stuff but for the most part, I find it tedious and there is just too much crap! Occasionally though, you find some gems, like today. Rick O'Shea of 2fm started a trend by asking people to post #IrishFactsWithoutWikipedia, basically overly false 'facts' about Ireland. I spotted the trend and clicked through....and promptly nearly fell off my chair laughing. Someone had tweeted Rick suggesting that somebody should post it in a blog as they were too funny not to be published. Things are quiet in work right now so I decided to take it upon myself to transfer some of the ones I found most amusing here. Some of them are proper Irish universal truths, the others are pure hilarious. Enjoy!!

• If your Granny doesn't light a candle for you before an exam, you're going to fail
• You must say 'goodbye' at least 3 times at the end of a phone conversation or the phone won't actually hang up
• Bono can shoot beams made of Tayto crisps out of his wicked uniglasses
• In Ireland, Father Ted is seen as a hard hitting documentary
• If you're sick, you don't need a doctor. 7up and toast will do the job
• Abrakebabra have 2 Michelin stars but don't like to advertise it
• Jackie Healy Rae is only man to hold the Irish, European and World Combover of the Year titles
• Not turning off the immersion leads to a fate worse than death (classic)
• Cork is actually only about half the size of the Phoenix Park but we let them draw it bigger on the map just to keep them quiet
• If you say 'Gay Byrne' 3 times fast, Uncle Gaybo will appear and give lollipops to everyone in the audience
• It's an old Irish custom to declare your intent to marry a girl by draping a large raw steak over her face
• Iceland used to be a county of Ireland before it broke off in 1941. Nobody noticed because of the war
• We are all fluent Irish speakers but we don't want to get stuck talking to Daithi O Se in a bar
• Bono can hear a hungry child's tear hit the dust from 100 miles away
• All toastie specials served in Irish pubs contain molten lava
• There's no money resting in ANY Irish bank account anymore
• 'An bhfuil cead agam dul go dti an leithreas?' is the most used phrase in the Irish language
• Vincent Browne had a successful acting career as Worzel Gummidge
• In Ireland, it's widely accepted by the Vatican to break Lent on Paddys Day for crisps and chocolate
• The tallest mountain in the world is actually Muckish in Donegal. It's just lying down, so you can't tell
• It is compulsary to say 'aahh' after the first sup of tae
• Members of the Irish Parliament use croissants as emergency sideburns
• If you die of alcohol poisoning, you're considered a lightweight
• Contrary to popular belief, Jim Corr wrote the Irish National Anthem
• Our blood is 90% tea
• We're obliged to have a pint or 2 at the airport before getting on a plane - even if it's 7 in the morning
• Red lemonade is the reason we are all mental because the chemicals used to make it are banned in every other country
• By law, you are only allowed to worship Premier League Foottballers until they put on an England shirt
• Honda Civics, Subarus and Mitsubishis are not as preferable modes of transport as horses
• Dublin Zoo is running a captive breeding programme of leprechauns to replace the current government
• If the perpetual lamp under the Sacred Heart picture goes out, all members of the household die that instant
• Shortcuts always involve fields
• St Patrick actually smuggled snakes over by accident, though diligently rectified the problem himself
• Anne Doyle is completely octopus from the waist down
• Starving is a word used by the people of Ireland when they haven't eaten for a minimum of 2 hours
• To be considered truly Irish, the wooden spoon must have been a fundamental element of your childhood
• The Vikings originally introduced the battered sausage to Ireland in 956 AD as building material for huts
• The mass decline in population in the mid 1800's was actually caused by a zombie apocalypse

Moral of the Story - Irish people are great craic. Our sense of humour will get us through anything.